Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
