Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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