get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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