let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
