i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
