wat bout pragnant strippers??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
