I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
