wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
