What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
