Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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