Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So squirting runs in the family.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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