we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
