I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
