How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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