you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
