she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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