You work out of a Hotel?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
