I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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