I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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