I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
