How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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