what day is it and did you see me today?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
