the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can text with my tongue
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So. Much. Porn.
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