Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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