And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize