The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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