I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
