We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
