Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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