he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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