He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
