I don't think brook has ever known best
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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