So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
