I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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