I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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