Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize