she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
