Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
