you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
