I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
