If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
