I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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