just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize