What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
