its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
