i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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