Soap is not a condiment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
