Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
