She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
