Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
