I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
