The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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