you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
