His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
