My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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