btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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