There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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