dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
