the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
