Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
