Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
