just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
