ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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