I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
