i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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