For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
