hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
